#1 Posted on 25.4.05 1115.25 Reposted on: 25.4.12 1116.42
Pre-Match, I drove up to the gun shop where my friend works and dropped off my daughters so they could spend the night with his four daughters. I took my oldest boy with me to the wrestling match but we had an hour to kill and we hadn't et yet so I took him to La Casita's on Broad St. They have Christmas lights everywhere and pinatas everywhere, so I figure he will not completely run amok instantly, but would look around a few minutes before tope-ing into someone's Chicken Chimichanga. I order some comical Mexican Family Restaurant Enchilada Type Thing and order a soft taco for the boy. I'd been jonesing for nachos and notice that they have them on the menu. I order nachos with cheese (which must piss off Mexican restaurant owners because I've never gotten anything but cursory nachos the couple of times I've ever ordered it there) and the boy opts to eat all the cheese and use the cornchips to reenact a firefighting adventure where I'm assuming oblong people are being slowly being boiled to death three types of salsa. I pay the U KLEEN UP AFTER MY CHOLD tip (25%) and get in the mighty Madza WrestleMobile! and we head over to the questionable neighborhoods of Southside Richmond. We get to the rec center and hang out with Tim and Dave and Tim tries to keep my youngun from ripping apart his Bruiser Brodie doll. JT and his friend (whose name eludes me because I suck. He bought my youngun a Reeses Cup and was the world's biggest Dusty mark- so he was definately good people) show up and we grab a seat. MulDOOMSTONE shows up and it is truly a party now. THE PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING....
I was informed that Painmaster from the infamous and amazing MIDLOTHIAN MIDDLE SCHOOL SHOW was wrestling and I got excited. Excited in a way like you get excited when you find out that you are going to see an old girlfriend and you get to see how much weight she's gained. Unfortunately, he's wrestling Actual Wrestler Bad News Johnson so Johnson gets sacrificed having to carry this load. Me n JT have a moneyless wager, in that III say that Johnson can bump enough to carry any choade. Johnson does the great thing of SUPLEXING the load into a watchable match- but it looks like the load deadweights on the suplexes and doesn't even die like a man. Meanwhile we have fun starting CA-NA-DA! chants and calling Painmaster a "Stupid American". The countdown until Badnews joins the SONS OF RA begins...... NOW!
Speaking of the SONS OF RA! Prince Malik and Shaka come out with YOUR SUN GOD, PHAROAH and they have a truly fun match with God's Playboy Pete Jannings and the suddenly face again Jon Jon the Phenomenon. Shaka works so stiff that you, a true wrestling fan, have to love him. Shaka hits the SWANK DiBiase Fistdrop and we squeal like teenage girls at a Beatles concert. Jannings takes his assbeating like a man and gets the crowd behind him enough that Jon-Jon is fabulously technico-esque in his highflying house afiredness and the house is a-rockin! Shaka versus Jon-Jon sounds like a fun match- as both will kick a motherfucker really hard for our viewing pleasure. And we find it pleasing. I forgot how the Suns of Ra vanquished their mere mortal opponents but all that matters is that the Sun God is pleased. Meanwhile, my son is far more interested in ripping MulDOOMSTONE's nose off and wearing it as a necklace. I then go a get the boy his first cold drank and wad of candy to make sure that he bouncing off the bleachers before he passes out .
Mike Vaughn then wrestled Logan Knight and Logan Knight comes out RIDICULOUSLY stoked and we dig it. They do a lot of fun matwork to kill time until Vaugn VINDICATES Knight with a truly beautiful Elbow Drop. Somebody notices that Logan Knight looks kinda like Kenny Loggins with that beard and that killed some time before Knight hooks up his gnarley finisher (a WAR Special variation) on the Vindicator and the Vindicator succumbs to the pain. Knight's good- he just needs to go to Hardee's EVERY DAY. I recommend Frisco burgers and strawberry shakes. Mike Vaugn fucking RULES.
Shit! I forgot to mention that NEAL SHARKEY had taken over the NWA-VA for 30 days and was MOTHERFUCKING SOLID GOLD introducing the matches and making all the booking make sense on the fly as he was doing it. O'Brien should DEEPLY keep Sharkey in this role. It was great. When he sang the theme to Loveboat, we all WEPT. "And their victims for the evening...."
Draegan Frost and Grail wrestled Maxx Dynamite and Sean Calloway to a- what?- 76 minute draw? God, that kept going. The work was good but they had FOUR hot tags? After the third hot tag, we were suspecting a draw. I told MulDOOMSTONE and JT, "I don't remember the RocknRoll Express being in this match so I don't think they can make me care long enough for this to go to a draw." and I was right. It was the best I've seen Sean Calloway look (despite his HIDEOUS pants.) And Grail always rules.
Drake Tungsten and Tommy Smalls had a match- Tommy Smalls first one. Tungsten is from Sweden and everyone knows that Southerners hate Swedes so we give him the business. Stupid Swede. They try to make it face versus face so they keep shaking hands. We all wonder if hugs, kisses and deep backrubs could be next. I mean, what the fuck, he IS Swedish. Tungsten uses his Ikea-based cheating to get Young Tommy in a Volvo Driver '05 for the pin.
They get to the Old School Empire versus Scotty Blaze and Frank the Tank Parker tag match. The first wrestling match I ever went to as a boy at the Norfolk Scope in 1977 I remember "Barracuda" playing full blast on my cousin's stereo in his Purple Challenger on the way. Scotty Blaze's theme song is "Barracuda". Thus. My son and I have closed a personal wrestling circle of mutual and shared experience. What are the chances that "Barricuda" will be playing at his son's first wrestling match? I don't know why Frank the Tank didn't show but when Dave told me that Pharoah was tagging with Blaze and I was suitably stoked. This match was about as violent as you could ever want a wrestling match to be. Scotty Blaze starts off and gets the holy motherfucking shit beaten out of him by the absolutely EVIL tagteam of Preston Quinn and Mike Booth. PQ just hauls off and kills the Heatmizer- but the HEatmiser has HEAT~! with Pharoah (since Neal Sharkey forced them to tag together since Neal Sharkey is PQ and Old School Empire's old manager. Thus, the "OSE Destroys Tank's Car" last minute angle gets all tied up in the Southern psychology of the match by having Sharkey in the ring explaining it all. It was a brilliant bit of synchronicity of having Sharkey there to make all the weirdness of the indie wrestling make sense. Thus instead of just an odd substitution, you have an actual story of Neal Sharkey being in charge and giving the Old School Empire every advantage by making the last-minute substitution look like brilliant evil scheming by Sharkey to make Blaze tag with his enemy. Plus it gets the four of the five stiffest workers in the promotion in the same match and I am stoked.) and doesn't want to tag out because he doesn't trust Pharoah. Blaze and PQ exchange BLOODCURDLING chops and Blaze finally makes a tag and Pharoah completely kills Booth with a powerslam and pummels him like a SUN GOD. Booth cuts him off and they completely beat the shit out of Pharoah, as PQ pretty hits about every power move he could think of- including the COMPLETELY bad ass Bridging Cobra Clutch. I noticed that they fucked up twice trying to really establish the hatred of Pharoah and Blaze: Twice PQ draws Blaze off the apron I'm assuming that Pharoah was supposed make a comeback and go to the corner where Blaze was supposed to be but both times it doesn't happen so that was the only part that was off in an otherwise TRULY Southern tag match. God. Watch it on the Simulcast. It is fucking stiff as hell. Blaze makes a comeback and does a running Avalanche at Booth who does a standing switch with Pharoah- with Blaze crushing Pharoah like a bug. OSE kills Blaze with a DEMOLITION DECAPITATION ELBOW DROP/BACKBREAKER that looked fucking NASTY. OSE wins the belts and Pharoah walks off in disgust. It was great.
Lexie Fyfe finally beat Kiley McLean to win the NWA Women's title. It was a weirdly fun match- as they used the no-DQ stipulation really well and McLean was a FABULOUS heatmachine, browbeating the front row about their dissatisfied girlfriends. Fyfe actually got the crowd behind her for her final comeback- which is odd for any of the indie women's matches that I've seen. Sharkey tries to hit her with a chair and hits Kiley by mistake! Lexy gets the belt. God. I actually WANT to see the rematch. They do the funniest stretcher job on Kiley, making sure to move her neck and spine as much as possible.
Damien Wayne beat the living hell out of Chris Dramin and Dramin is your Doughy Indie Jesus now because this match was 500% his babyface selling of Damien Wayne wrenching, wringing and spindling Dramin's shoulder. Dramin's comebacks were all spirited and fun. Wayne was LEGIT TERRIFYING as he cut him off a couple of times by just having that Ed Gein-like look on his face as he DDT's Dramin's shoulder. Dramin finally submits to Wayne's nasty Cattle Mutilation Variation and Wayne retains the belt.
Postmatch, PQ and Booth just beat the living fuck out of the mortal remains of Dramin and taunt Blaze after he makes the save. It was soooo great.
#2 Posted on 27.4.05 0918.01 Reposted on: 27.4.12 0922.41
Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSENPre-Match, I drove up to the gun shop where my friend works and dropped off my daughters
Only in the south.
Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN I took my oldest boy with me to the wrestling match but we had an hour to kill and we hadn't et yet so I took him to La Casita's on Broad St. They have Christmas lights everywhere and pinatas everywhere, so I figure he will not completely run amok instantly, but would look around a few minutes before tope-ing into someone's Chicken Chimichanga. I order some comical Mexican Family Restaurant Enchilada Type Thing and order a soft taco for the boy. I'd been jonesing for nachos and notice that they have them on the menu. I order nachos with cheese (which must piss off Mexican restaurant owners because I've never gotten anything but cursory nachos the couple of times I've ever ordered it there) and the boy opts to eat all the cheese and use the cornchips to reenact a firefighting adventure where I'm assuming oblong people are being slowly being boiled to death three types of salsa. I pay the U KLEEN UP AFTER MY CHOLD tip (25%) and get in the mighty Madza WrestleMobile!
How old is he anyway? About 5? Is this his first wrestling encounter with the old man? If so, what took so long?
Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN Shaka hits the SWANK DiBiase Fistdrop and we squeal like teenage girls at a Beatles concert.