Oh my Lord. Here are something like *455* DVDs coming to Amazon Tuesday, 1/30/07, or later that week. I am utterly insane. Please read everything and tell me you love my work. Or find ONE thing to buy and try - then come back and give us a review. I hope there aren't this many releases EVERY week.
If you're one of those people who try to watch and collect a lot of foreign films... well, I'm surprised you're here, actually, but welcome! Also, prepare to go broke this week.
There are also eighty-something DVDs created for the sole purpose of making you a better high school athletics coach. They are profoundly expensive. I can't believe a single one of them has been sold. But, for the sake of completion, they are included near the bottom in tiny type and you are encouraged to just sail on past (unless you are REALLY starved for entertainment, in which case you can laugh at some of the extremely granular subject material suggested by some of the titles.)
Lastly (for this introduction, anyway) and firstly (for listings)... I'm really looking forward to the Madonna CD/DVD The Confessions Tour - Live from London (The W at Amazon), but I was surprised to find that (at least on Amazon) isn't listed as a DVD. So all my jokes about kids calling her a MILF when they should be scared to death of her will have to go untyped.
Hover over links and maybe MAGIC will happen!
Onward!
CRZ'S SURE FIRE CAN'T MISS PICK OF THE WEEK: Looker - FINALLY out on DVD, this 1981 Albert Finny/James Coburn thriller reminds you that Michael Crichton got a whole lot better later. Made essential contributions to development of Zimmerman brothers through zillions of viewings on HBO. Plus, you get to see Susan Dey's hooters! Coolest character is a killer who has zero lines but a BOSS moustache! Also, don't blink or you'll miss a pre-"Wheel of Fortune" Vanna White! I give it FOUR exclamation points! MOVIES ON DVD:
NOTABLE DIRECT TO DVD RELEASE OF THE WEEK: Farce of the Penguins - Bob Saget's live-action satire of "March of the Penguins," narrated by Samuel L. Jackson with voiceovers by Saget, Lewis Black, Tracy Morgan, Christina Applegate, Mo'Nique, and one-liners by practically everybody Saget knows. SPOILER ALERT: Prepare to see peng'ins doin' it
OTHER DIRECT TO DVD: The Gathering (2002) Unrated, but (apparently) not uncut - about 15 minutes short? Not that the world needs another Christina Ricci sex scene...no, wait, maybe it does! Unhitched (2005) aka "Best Man, Worst Friend" - Stuart Townsend, Amy Smart, Seth Green Rx (2005) Co-executive produced and starring Eric Balfour and Colin Hanks! Unidentified (2006) another "something is out there" movie...except it's "Christian," so be afraid for a different reason Prey Brigette Moynaham, Peter Weller and Carly Schroeder are inspired by true events! ROAR! Freakshow (2007) a cautionary tale of the consequences you may suffer if you decide to rob a circus Gustav Brastache and the Auto-Debilitator - short film - http://www.braustache.com/
THESE DVDS ARE SO GAY: Phoenix (2006) possible candidate for COVER OF THE WEEK Available Men - "7 Hilarious & Sexy Gay Short Films," if the box is to be believed - I am skeptical Cantadora Is for Lovers (USA/Panama, 2006) You say "bisexual drama," I say "love triangle"
FURN FILMS: La Sorciere (France/Italy/Sweden, 1956) aka "The Sorceress" Slaughter of the Vampires (La Strage dei vampiri - Italy, 1962) The Films of Luc Moullet: Brigitte and Brigitte/Up and Down (Brigitte et Brigitte - France, 1966 & Parpaillon - France, 1993) - broken out from this box set (blaqout.com) King Lear (Korol Lir - Soviet Union, 1969) aka "Grigori Kozintsev.s King Lear" Neither the Sea Nor the Sand (UK, 1972) another "lost" "classic" "horror" "quotes" "film" Orpheus in Der Unterwelt (West Germany, 1974) Home Before Midnight (UK, 1979) Pete Walker's most statutory exploitation Shanghai 13 (Shanghai Tan Shi San Tai Bao - Hong Kong, 1981) Big Shar (Wielki Szu - Poland, 1983) con man story resembles (inspired?) "The Color of Money" but for using cards instead of pool Sayonara Jupiter (Sayonara, Jupeta - Japan, 1983) - remastered - Toho's competition for "2010" - Kubrick wins again Immoral Story (Historia Niemoralna - Poland, 1990) Highway 61 (Canada, 1991) The Last Blood (Jing Tian Shi Er Xiao Shi - Hong Kong, 1991) The Bloody Child (UK, 1996) Scarred Memory (Bao Jie Qing Qing - Hong Kong, 1996) Closed Doors (Al Abwab al Moghlaka, Egypt/France, 1999) White Valentine (Hwaiteu Ballenta-in - South Korea, 1999) No Shame (Sn Vergenza - Spain, 2001) Visitors (Australia, 2003) The First Night (La Primera Noche - Colombia, 2003) Iron Lion (Hong Kong, 2003) Agatha and the Storm (Agata e la Tempesta - Italy/Switzerland/UK, 2004) Monster Thursday (Monstertorsdag - Norway, 2004) Surfing + Love Triangle + Norwegian = not Metalocalypse Stop Mom Theresa (lltstok meg Terzanyut! - Hungary, 2004) - wow, Hungary? Really? Divergence (San Cha Kou - Hong Kong, 2005) I Am Guilty (Falscher Bekenner - Germany/Denmark, 2005) Evil (To Kako - Greece, 2006) - GREEK ZOMBIES. COME ON.
AND THE REST: Madame Curie (1943) - Greer Garson, Walter Pidegon - also includes 1937 short "Romance of Radium" Angels in the Outfield (Amazon Exclusive) (1951) - not to be confused with the 1994 Disney flick Memories & Mysteries: Marilyn Monroe collection of documentaries and early Monroe film "Home Town Story" (1951) Band of Angels (1957) Clark Gable, Yvonne DeCarlo, Sidney Poitier, Efrem Zimbalist Jr. Bride and the Beast (1958) Ed Wood presents women/gorilla love story (or something) The Arrangement (1969) Kirk Douglas, Faye Dunaway, Deborah Kerr Cousin Bette (UK, 1971) BBC miniseries stars Margaret Tyzack, Colin Baker (yes, Doctor Who #6) and hot, hot, hot, smokin' hot Helen Mirren Maniac (1980) "Classic" horror film - Joe Spinnell, Caroline Munro - rebranded Anchor Bay release? Land of Look Behind (1982) Portrait of Jamaica shortly after the death of Bob Marley - largely unknown but fiercely endorsed by those who have seen it Vigilante (1983) Robert Forster, Fred Williamson - remastered! Rock & Rule (Canada, 1983) rerelease of the 2-disc collector's edition of the animated rock classic you never heard of from the people behind "The Devil & Daniel Mouse" - see this one Rock and Rule - the 1 disc version Gymkata (1985) this Kurt Thomas classic needs only one word to describe it - GYMKATA! Return of Spinal Tap - originally a 1992 TV special (aka "A Spinal Tap Reunion: The 25th Anniversary London Sell-Out") - not NEARLY as funny as the original, go figure The Bride of Frank (1996) - deliberately "underground" movie will appeal to very few - but those few will rave about it 30 Frames a Second: The WTO in Seattle - (2000) Rustin Thompson's documentary of infamous meeting of protestors and cops is sure to rouse rabble Good Kurds, Bad Kurds: No Friends But the Mountains (2000) documentary which made Turkey unhappy Meat Market (2000) & Meat Market 2 (2001) Sub Rosa presents two uncut, unrated, ungood zombie movies - oh, shoulda said "undead" Still Alive & Kickin' (Canada, 2004) CTV Documentary about Ronnie Hawkins The Lives of the Saints (Canada, 2004) CTV miniseries starring old Sophia Loren, old Kris Kristofferson Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas (2005) CBS movie starring Christina Applegate - I will guess it aired on a Sunday Red Doors (2005) indie would surely polarize the Asian-American community...if only anyone had seen it The Motel (2005) - Asian-American comes of age before your very eyes - probably much better than above Outride the Devil - A Morning With Doc Holliday (2005) - filmed play - Click Here (vcientertainment.com) The Chatterley Affair (UK, 2006) BBC4 docudrama about the famous obscenity trial Tales of Terror from Tokyo 3, Part 1 (Japan, 2006) - in Japanese (duh) Unknown (2006) Jim Caviezel, Greg Kinnear
Pete's Meteor (Ireland, 1998) - Brenda Fricker, Alfred Molina, Mike Myers - which of these things is not like the other Fortune Hunter$ (2000) - aka "The Million Dollar Kid" Interview With the Assassin (2002) JFK conspiracy movie with a twist
HOCKEY: The Tournament - the "Spinal Tip" of kids' hockey - produced by the CBC while the NHL was locked out so there'd be hockey to watch (or something like that)
PRODUCT DESCRIPTION OF THE WEEK: Aquarium Nudes, Vol. 1 - "This virtual aquarium is an erotic trip in high definition. Nine exotic mermaids will satisfy your senses and take you to paradise. "Aquarium nudes" is a symphony of breathtaking, beautiful pictures full of grace and aesthetics, and underlined with the finest lounge music. It's ideal for all LCD and Plasma televisions. It's perfect for use in stylish clubs, exclusive cocktail bars and of course your own living room... Splish! Splash!" Wow, where's my piggy bank?
ARTSY FARTSY: Dynamic: 1 - Best Of DavidLynch.com - "Over two hours of original content previously only available to members of DavidLynch.com" - I'm not sure there's an audience for this outside "members of DavidLynch.com" but what do I know? It's not like I'm putting out "the best of CRZ.net" or anything....hey wait.
CULTURAL SMUT: Justine & Juliette (Sweden, 1975) - ooh la la Private Collections - (France/Japan, 1979) - in French and Japanese, but don't worry, there are (probably bad) English subtitles - http://www.severin-films.com/ (for more on this one and next one) Immoral Women (aka Les Hiroones du mal - France, 1979) She does WHAT with her rabbit?!? "...transferred from its original European negative materials with all of its scenes of daring sexuality now fully restored." Thank goodness! Erotic Adventures of the Three Musketeers (Full) (1992) - Chi Chi La Rue?
MOST SPECIALIZED AND EXPENSIVE TITLE OF THE WEEK: Making A Period Bed - I suppose we should be thankful it isn't making a period IN bed - or colouring Ukranian Easter eggs
I'm looking forward to getting "Open Season" for the Paul Westerberg score and soundtrack songs (No Oscar noms? boooo). My daughter will probably enjoy the animated parts too.
The Benny Hill set looks pretty fun and I had no idea about the Cracker/Camper Van Beethoven set. That is a MUST BUY! (thanks CRZ!!)
It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them. P. G. Wodehouse (1881 - 1975), The Man Upstairs (1914)
Awesome, the Kosintsev King Lear is out on DVD. His Hamlet is better (and also available on DVD), but the Lear is pretty great. If you like Russian films or Shakespeare, or both like I do, then it's a real winner.
You would think that with 455 DVDs being released and a pale imitation of the show being broadcast on network, well FOX, television, that this show would be out on DVD. But no, yet another week without seeing The Unknown Comic or Gene Gene the Dancing Machine on DVD. I want my Gong Show. And, with the recent death of Gerald Ford, how has the DVD market not decided to capitalize on this with the release of D.C. Follies?
The Horsemen DVD is 3 Discs and 9 hours. Let Us Rejoice and Sing Its Praise.
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Bill Simmons made an excellent point that ABC was foolish to follow Lost with another ensemble drama serial and mentioned that Invasion also failed in that spot.