205 Live has slowly become my favorite wrestling program. With only the title match being held on Pay-Per Views, the feuds get to develop and progress at their own rate. It reminds me of the old “Stevie Night Heat,” where none of the top brass were paying much attention, so the wrestlers had a lot more freedom to do what they want and experiment. Also, I really love all the cruiserweights, and even though it is a C-list show, at least I get to watch guys like Mustfa Ali and Jack Gallagher strut their stuff on TV. If they were on the big shows I think we’d be in an Apollo Crews situation. Anyway, since MoeGates hasn’t recapped 205 in a while, I thought I’d give it a try. Fair Warning: I suck at knowing the names of moves.
We start off with a recap of RAW, where all the cruiserweights (lead by Neville) have forfeited their chance at a title shot by beating up underserving champ Enzo. Let’s just a pause a moment here. This is what I love about 205. You’d think the cruiserweights would be thrilled Enzo is the champ. Neville proved time and again that no one can consistently beat him. Any of the cruiserweights could easily win a match against Enzo. The first guy who gets a title shot should become champion, no problem! But, no! Enzo turned their beloved symbol of pure athleticism into a cheap prop gained by a kick to the junk and now they would rather punish Enzo then have anything to do with a tainted title. And Neville proved that he is a real king, protecting his subjects and leading them into battle against the invading foe. I get choked up thinking about it. Back on track: Kurt Angle announces the new member of 205: Kalisto! It’s about freakin’ time! Let’s get on with the show! Our host tonight are Vic Joseph and Nigel McGuiness. If you haven’t 205 before, Nigel runs pure heel commentary here and Vic appears to be Corey Graves dorky little brother (or possibly a failed cloning experiment). They let us know that tonight we get Kalsito first match on 205 against Ariya Daivari, who is everyone’s first opponent. We also have Cedric Alexander vs. Jack Gallagher.
Lucha! Lucha! Lucha! Kalisto is out with old theme and his old mask and I am happy. He also has this cool vest-thing on with big shoulder spikes that make him look like the Shredder. He lets us know how happy he is to be on 205, but Enzo is out quickly to interrupt and run his mouth. Becoming a heel has really helped Enzo focus his promos, but he does rag on Kalisto’s cool Shredder vest-thing, so I am not pleased. Eventually Enzo gets around to introducing Daivari, who he has formed a delicate alliance with. If you missed last week, Daivari begged Enzo’s forgiveness and plead succumbing to mob mentality. After much ass-kissing, Enzo saw the benefit of having someone to soften up his opponents and Davari is hopeful for a title shot down the line. I assume they also have a mutual appreciation for each other’s garish shirts. I except Noam Dar and his ugly shirts to align with them next.
Ariya Daivari vs. Kalisto This match is exactly what you’d expect of you’ve seen any other of Daivari’s first opponent matches. He is there to make the new guy look real good and Kalisto gets to hit all his signature moves. Let’s talk for a moment about how good Ariya Daivari is. He is the absolute best at what my husband calls the WWE “House Style,” that brawly, kicky style all they guys who came up through Ohio Valley back in the day do. Think Randy Orton, the Miz, Dolph Ziggler, etc. Daivari does that style better than anyone I’ve seen. He is the perfect ideal Randy Orton. Just look at the amazing headlock he does in this match, it’s a real thing of beauty. Kalisto hits all his cool moves including a dive from his knees on the top rope, a corkscrew headbutt from the middle rope, a hurricarana on a nearly prone Daivari, and coming all the way up from sitting on the ground to hit the Salida Del Sol for the win. Enzo is backstage the whole time yelling at the monitor at an awkward angle.
We get a recap of the team-up of The Brian Kendrick and Jack Gallagher. If you missed it, Kendrick beat Gallagher to a bloody pulp in a no DQ match with the aid of the steel steps and the most devastating of foreign objects, the ring bell. Jack Gallegher had a black eye, stiches and staples in wedding pictures, and that turned him totally evil. I get it, wedding pictures are really expensive and as meticulously dressed as Gallagher awlays is, I can see how that sent him over the edge. Now they are teaming up to beat up Cedric Alexander, because why the fuck not? I suspect I is because back in their feud Kendrick called Gallagher a cut-rate William Regal, and this seems like a good way to prove he is a FIRST RATE William Regal.
Before we get to that match however, Drew Gulak For Mayor is heading out to the ring to take on his old nemesis Mustafa Ali and show some more of his awesome powerpoint presentation. Drew Gulak is campaigning hard to bring you a better 205 with his powerpoint presentation where he just reads each slide slowly. It is 277 slides long and is he most amazingly accurate portrayal of every powerpoint presentation I have had to sit through. Back when he was fueding with Ali, Drew Gulak for Mayor was focusing on his “no jumping off the top rope” slide. But now that he is feuding with Akira Tozawa, Gulak is focusing on his “no chants” slide. Drew pointed out it is even in Mr. McMahon’s theme song: No chants! No chants in hell! This maybe the greatest thing I have ever heard and I say it constantly, much to my husband’s dismay. Before his match, Gulak reads slide 8 “no flipping.” Why no flipping? Because if one is constantly turning down-up and up-down, how will you know your left from your right and your right from wrong? Oh Drew Gulak for Mayor, I think I love you. Before we can move to slide 9, known flipper Mustafa Ali is out for his match. CAW CAW CAW! Also out is known chanter Akira Tozawa to sit on the entrance ramp and chant in a distracting way.
Mustafa Ali vs. Drew Gulak This match starts out with some pretty quality comedy wrestling, as Ali adds extra flips everywhere he can. Walking across the ring- does a flip. Rolling out of the ring- does a flip. He even flips over Gulak while doing and armdrag and chastises him, “Hey, I thought you said no flips!” The story of the match is exactly what you expect, Gulak is obsessed with stopping Tozawa’s chants, and stopping the audience from chanting too. He doesn’t pay nearly enough attention to Ali, who hits his beautiful 0-5-4 for the win. After the match, Tozawa CAW-CAW-CAWs in the defeated Gulak’s face.
Next week we get Rich Swann vs TJ Perkins, again. I am okay with this however, because Swann and Perkins have fought about 100 times, but each match is completely different. I don’t know how they do it. It is the exact polar opposite of the never-ending Cesaro/Shamus feud.
Dasha is backstage with The Brian Kendrick asking his opinion on Gallaegher/Alexander. Kendrick however, doesn’t want to talk about that. He would also like to plead mob mentality and apologize to Enzo for what happened on RAW. It seems to be working well Daivari. I don’t know if his jackets are ostentatious enough. Maybe if brought back the tassels. He does concede that Jack Gallagher will drink Cedric Alexander’s milkshake and I am confused. My husband informs me that it’s a line from There Will Be Blood, a move that came out 10 years ago. I’m not the only one who didn’t care for the reference, because Alexander is out to strike Kendrick from behind and hurt is leg. Brian squirms around on the ground making amazing “ow my leg” sounds.
Jack Gallagher vs Cedric Alexander This match is a brutal, hard-hitting affair. They start right in with punched a forearms and don’t let up. If you enjoys watching dudes just wail on each other for 10 minutes, this is the match for you. I am really distract during the match however, because my husband cannot believe that Gallagher is wrestling in a dress shirt, slacks, a vest, a tie and dress shoes. Once husband realized they aren’t dress shoes, but wrestling boots made to look like dress shoes, he is beside himself. Nothing in the world will ever be as cool as Jack Gallagher. And when Jack unbuttons his vest (because that has got to be a really warm getup), my husband exclaims “He shorts his tie when he wears vest just like me! That way the tie never pokes out the bottom! He’s just like me!” I am now concerned my husband may leave me for Jack Gallagher. It’s great to see some real fire from Alexander here. It gives more dimension to his old laid-back persona. And man, Alexander has some great strikes. The brawling goes outside the ring to the ramp and Gallagher pulls Kendrick’s old tick of running under the ring and sneaking out the other side, which is a nice touch. Eventually Gallagher goes for his umbrella, but Cedric stops him and ends up breaking the umbrella over Gallagher’s back. How the tables have turned! They go through so many umbrella on 205. Alexander is disqualified, but that doesn’t stop him from continuing to beat down Jack. The beating goes to the timekeeper area and through the announce table. All the refs come out, but no one can stop the fired-up Cedric. Eventually Kendrick limps his way out, but I’m not sure what he is going to do in his condition. It’s enough to distract Alexander and Gallagher makes his escape. Everyone glares and makes hilarious faces as the show ends.
That’s it folks. Recapping is a lot of work. Maybe I’ll try taking notes if I do it again. I hope this inspires some of you to watch 205, it really is pretty dang great.
Just Too Much Wrestling led to us giving up on 205 Live months ago but I still like all that gang and I'm glad Gulak is getting to put his comedy chops to use on a bigger stage. In Chikara, he could easily go from having a brutal grappling brawl to tagging with a swamp monster. Watching him wrestle a match while trapped inside a fishing net is one of my favorite moments I've ever witnessed in a ring.